Ed is generally organized and is easy-going - so far. He described himself as “pensive”, as opposed to “worried” before we saw Dr. Pasado. Pensive means he is thoughtful, meditative, and contemplative. He shows evidence of this as he plans his next campaign! On one hand, I cannot fathom him running for a 4th term as Chief of Police – with all of this looming over his head, and also with his age. On the other hand, I am encouraged and grateful that he can preoccupy his mind with the belief/hope of a potential 4th term and the campaigning that goes along with it. I pray that this prospect sustains his mental and emotional health for as long as possible. Because of his plan to run, he is adamant that his cancer be kept a secret. He is so obsessed with the secrecy that I almost feel he would have done anything to have treatments done in a remote cave somewhere!
And then there’s me. I am trying hard to outwardly take my cues from Ed. I honor him in that this is HIS journey, and that we are along for the ride – to support him and to adapt to his feelings at any time. So, when Emily mentions that he should do this, or not do that, I remind her that we must respect his approach. If he wants to smoke cigars, he should. If he wants to mow the grass, he should. Only he will know his limitations, and only he can monitor his capabilities. So, I have prayed a lot. I’ve projected into the future and picture myself alone. I worry that I will be what he needs. I think of all of the “what ifs”. I love a little harder, cling to moments and memories, carefully preserving them in my mind and soul. Do I think he can beat this? Yes, I do. St. Jude, the patron saint of hopeless cases is part of my daily meditations and I’m sure is part of Ed’s.
I came to realize that the Apostle’s Creed, recited weekly at the First Methodist Church in Lamesa, had a larger meaning – a more global statement of belief.
I believe in God, the Father Almighty,
maker of heaven and earth;
And in Jesus Christ his only Son, our Lord;
who was conceived by the Holy Spirit,
born of the Virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, dead, and buried;*
the third day he rose from the dead;
he ascended into heaven,
and sitteth at the right hand of God the Father Almighty;
from thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit,
the holy catholic church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and the life everlasting. Amen.
I understand that the “communion of saints” acknowledges the men and women who God favored with special attributes, gifts, or depth of compassion. This small phrase in the creed is often overlooked, but in the Catholic faith, it is pronounced and recognized as another source of strength and inspiration. Never diminishing the powers of our Lord and Saviour, this special congregation of Holy men and women have a place in heaven, and thus in our faith.
As we often pray to our deceased loved ones, our “guardian angels” for intercession, and even asking for prayers from our friends who are living, is it not suitable to ask for intercession from those recognized for their holiness, faith and compassion? Upon my own reasoning, I believe St. Jude, the Patron Saint of Hopeless Cases, became part of my consciousness early on in Ed's and my marriage. We had challenges getting pregnant. I presented Ed with a St. Jude necklace, engraved with “Nothing is hopeless”. I soon got pregnant. When Emily was born, and faced near-death situations in NICU, we clung to that pendant, praying to God at a St. Jude grotto in New Orleans every day. When Emily had her babies, their prematurity threatened their lives, Ed gave Emily his necklace to wear and keep. Only in the past few years has he replaced the necklace, which he constantly wears. This is yet another challenge, another petition to God, and a request for St. Jude to pray on our behalf.
God has never forsaken us, and has heard our prayers and those of the patron saint. Liken it to asking for prayers and intervention from your most loved and trusted friends and family, for we are all part of one Christian “family”.
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